Well, faithful readers, it’s THAT time of year again. The time of year when McDonald’s brings back the McRib sandwich for a limited time, only. Am I excited? No. Look, I’m not at all against fast food. Go back and read some of my earlier pieces; people have a right to eat what they want. I think folks like Morgan Spurlock and Amanda Obney are some of the most idiotic ass-clowns on the planet. I don’t care for the McRib simply because it fails to live up to all the hype.
I remember last year when McDonald’s brought it back and people were wetting their pants from excitement as soon as news of the McRib’s return hit the media. I’d never had one, so I decided to plunk down my money and try one. I was truly puzzled by all the fuss, because instead of this religious experience that its fans claimed I was going to have upon eating it, all it really did was give me a loose stool.
Fast Food as a whole is what it is: a quick meal for a small amount of cash. It sustains you and keeps you moving. It gives you the fuel you need until you can actually get a decent meal, and that’s it. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against McDonald’s; I like other things that they offer on their menu (the Reese’s McFlurry for one – I eat the HELL out of those). But seriously, The McRib is really a sad excuse for a sandwich, even by the already-low standards of the Fast Food Industry. I can’t believe I’m actually throwing this out there, but I myself could make a better version of the McRib by microwaving one of these and putting it between a burger bun.
I seriously can’t believe I just asserted that a vegan product was better than something made out of meat. Well, in this rare instance it is. Meat byproducts covered in cut-rate barbeque sauce hardly makes for a tasty sandwich. A more fitting name for it would probably be the McAlpo.
I’m not attempting to take a run at Fast Food, or anything. Quite a bit of it I like. Arby’s makes great sandwiches, although it’s little more than a trailer park version of Sh’warma. The KFC Double Down is pretty awesome in its own right. Don’t let all the angry outcry from a loud, uppity minority dissuade you from trying one if you haven’t. It’s not the nefarious abomination that the harpy-like haters would lead you to believe. It’s actually nothing new. It’s more or less Chicken Cordon Bleu that you eat with your fingers. Granted it’s not terribly healthy; I limit myself to around two-per-year. And I won’t even begin to extol you of the virtues and near-perfection of In-N-Out Burger. All of these items are supremely worthy of fast food glory. But at the risk of awakening the ghost of Ray Crock, I’m sad to say that the annual fanfared arrival of the McRib sandwich does little to inspire from me more than a yawn. It’s McSchlocky, plain and simple.
Chew on THAT!
T.S.G.
