An Eggplant In Every Pot

The choice to become a vegan is one shrouded in emotion, delusion, and often group dynamics and peer pressure.  It's not unlike the factors that cause someone to become a suicide bomber.  Sadly, the suicide bomber might actually have opted for the better deal.  If you’re one of those people who fail to recognize that our time on this planet is terribly limited, and you opt to lead a life of monastic, culinary self-denial, the road before you will lead you on a path of stunted gastronomic fulfillment at best.  If I were ever forced (probably at gunpoint) to walk that path again, which I misguidedly did of my own volition more than a decade ago, I’d probably do it alot differently.  I'm very much of the opinion that veganism doesn't have to be as shitty as vegans often make it.  For instance there are scores of truly delicious vegan offerings within Indian and Ethiopian cuisine.  These respective food cultures’ dishes are a far better alternative to the wretched and hardly-palatable soy-based or seitan-based meat substitutes that many vegetarians and vegans in our country consume out of pure hypocritical laziness.   Ironically, these processed “fake-meats” are fashioned into various shapes and forms that coincidentally resemble those ubiquitous meat dishes found in Western food culture that vegans and PETA kooks so vociferously rail against.  What you’re getting with “fake-meats” is something that tastes sub-standard, and serves as little more than a delivery system for the condiments that are heaped upon them in a desperate attempt to mask their putrid flavor and tame their questionable texture.  Seriously, if you’re going to go out of your way to vilify meat consumption, why would you choose to consume food products that so closely resemble meat?  It’s like taking a vow of celibacy, and instead choosing to schtup a human-shaped blow-up doll for sexual relief. 

“Fake-meats” might be the single-most perplexing aspect of veganism for me.  Why do so many vegans consume Bocaburgers, Not Dogs, and Tofurkey?  As a reformed vegetarian, I can say first hand that every last one of these “staples” are nothing short of universally gross and unfulfilling.  Why eat a lousy Tofurkey during the holidays when there are so many better, more artful options?  So what if the whole “turkey and stuffing” motif is the traditional American holiday shtick.  If you don’t eat meat, why the hell would you bother going through the motions only to eat something that’s turkey-like, or turkey-ish, or turkey-esque?  You’ve already succeeded in pissing off your parents by refusing to eat your mom’s holiday turkey.  Now you want to ugly up her holiday table with some sick-looking seitan/soy Frankenstein mess?  Maybe if you offered to bring over a nice meat-free Indian curry, you could lessen the venom of your parents’ already seething annoyance at you.  Take that as sound advice from a former vegetarian.   

When there are so many other rich and interesting food cultures like those of India and Ethiopia from which one can extract vegan and vegetarian meal options, why would one even bother with the aforementioned processed schlock?  As I inferred earlier, maybe it’s a matter of “hypocritical laziness”.    Perhaps, users of the aforementioned “fake-meats” have certain artless elements of our fastfood-driven American culture so heavily engrained in their psyche that they simply default to what resembles those familiar foods with which they grew up.  And simply put, they lack the ability to break away from the gravitational pull of a meat-centric diet and they opt for a diet bolstered by these miserable patty-like and tube-like pseudo-meats.  With this in mind, I’m not at all surprised that many of their ilk come off as angry, grumpy, rancorous, intolerant, and easily provoked.

In the interest of artful and non-lazy vegan cooking, one of my favorite meatless dishes is the French classic, ratatouille.  A dish recently rediscovered by many foodies vis-à-vis the Disney/Pixar animated feature film of the same name.  During the course of writing the film, writer/director Brad Bird spent time observing Thomas Keller, who is perhaps the most renowned and respected American chef of the present day.  In the climax of Bird’s film, Remy (said film’s rat protagonist) constructs a simple meal of ratatouille for an infamously scathing food critic; but does so with great success.  Brad Bird took his cues on the animation design for the film’s featured dish from an actual ratatouille recipe developed by Thomas Keller.  This very recipe is one that I myself have made several times, and I always find the whole process enjoyable from cutting board to table.

Here are some photos from a recent attempt that I made at it on a Sunday afternoon.

Red, yellow, & orange peppers

Peppers ready to be roasted

  A shallot plus other herbs

                                                           

  The roasted peppers

                                                               



The pappers + herbs + minced garlic + diced tomatoes



The main ingredients: yellow squash, zucchini, & eggplant

The base: peppers & tomatoes minus the herbs



All the ingredients arranged in the pan



Covered with foil....

A French rosé is a great match!  Enjoy a glass during the 2 1/2 hour cook time.



Fresh from the oven.

 

Vegatable splendor!

For those of you who are interested in taking the time and tackling this gem from France’s culinary pantheon, Chef Keller’s recipe is as follows:

THOMAS KELLER'S RATATOUILLE

Serves 4 to 6.


• 1/2 red pepper, seeds and ribs removed
• 1/2 yellow pepper, seeds and ribs removed
• 1/2 orange pepper, seeds and ribs removed
• 5 tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil, divided
• 1 1/2 tsp. minced garlic, divided
• 1/2 c. finely diced yellow onion
• 3 tomatoes (about 12 oz.), peeled, seeded and finely diced, juices reserved
• 1 sprig fresh thyme
• 1 sprig flat-leaf parsley
• 1/2 bay leaf
• 1 zucchini (4 to 5 oz.) sliced in 1/16-in. rounds
• 1 Japanese eggplant (4 to 5 oz.), sliced into 1/16-in. rounds
• 1 yellow squash (4 to 5 oz. ), sliced into 1/16-in. rounds
• 4 Roma tomatoes, sliced into 1/16-in. rounds
• 1/8 tsp. dried thyme leaves
• 1 tsp. balsamic vinegar
• Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Directions

Heat the oven to 450 degrees. Place the peppers cut side down on a foil-lined sheet. Roast until skin loosens, about 15 minutes. Remove from heat and let rest until cool enough to handle. Peel and chop finely.

Combine 2 tablespoons olive oil, 1 teaspoon garlic and onion in medium skillet over low heat until very soft but not browned, about 8 minutes. Add the tomatoes, their juices, fresh thyme, parsley and bay leaf. Simmer over low heat until very soft and very little liquid remains, about 10 minutes. Do not brown.

Add peppers and simmer to soften them. Season to taste with salt and discard herbs. Reserve 1 tablespoon of the mixture and spread remainder in bottom of an 8-inch skillet.

Reduce the heat in the oven to 275 degrees.

Down the center of the skillet arrange a strip of alternating slices of zucchini, eggplant, yellow squash and Roma tomatoes, overlapping so that 1/4 inch of each slice is exposed. Around the center strip, overlap the vegetables in a close spiral that lets slices mound slightly toward center. Repeat until pan is filled.

Mix 1/2 teaspoon minced garlic, 2 teaspoons olive oil in bowl and season with salt and pepper to taste. Sprinkle over the vegetables.

Cover pan with foil and seal well. Bake until vegetables are tender, about 2 hours. Uncover and bake for 30 minutes more.

For the final topping combine the reserved tablespoon of sauce with the remaining 1 tablespoon oil, the vinegar, and salt and pepper to taste in a bowl. Drizzle around plate. Serve hot.

Nutrition information per serving of 6:
Calories 145

Cholesterol 0 mg
Carbohydrates 10 g

Sodium 9 mg
Protein 2 g

Calcium 25 mg
Fat 10 g

Dietary fiber 3 g
Saturated fat 2 g

It's seriously good.

Chew on THAT!

T.S.G.